Yes, it’s February, and yes, it’s that time of month that many singles are thinking about not having a “boo” for Valentine’s Day, while those in relationships or married are thinking about what to get that special someone in their lives for Valentine’s Day. Ironically, there are others thinking about how the hell they are going to piss their significant other off just because of that petty argument or something he/she did not do. Well, the blog this week isn’t about getting “Boo’d” up or a significant other, this blog is about creating a healthy relationship with yourself FIRST. You can’t get the love you need or want if you don’t know what that is or what that looks like. Yes, I am going there, and you want the juice so keep reading!

Many are loosely throwing around the word “self-love” as a rite of passage while others are using it as a way to be secretly selfish. What I found in my own experience in this thing called life is that I really didn’t know how to love myself, so my expectations were based off of those good ‘ol Lifetime and Hallmark movies, Harlequinn Romance Novels, what others told me “real” love is, and what I thought I needed/wanted. After going through dating in my teens (yep, the puppy love), getting married, then divorced, and then dating in my 30’s, I realized that I had this love thing all wrong. Here’s my list of what I realized love wasn’t":

• physical appearance

• sweet words that made me feel good

• staying with someone no matter what they do

• Love is not unequal or unbalanced

• love isn’t uncertain about where it stands, a forever promise, or petty

Since growing and going through a space of maturity, while single and being able to do some self-discovery, I was able to give myself the love that I now desire and need in my life to consider it healthy. Here is my list of what love is to me now:

• Love is patient; I had to learn to be patient with myself first. Patient to make mistakes. Patient to not always be on 100 when my mind and body was at 50. Patient to allow myself not to rush my process of hurt, healing, now to get to wholeness.

• Love is kind; I had to learn to be kind to myself even when I didn’t feel my best, I had to learn to say kind things to myself such as “girl you may have gained some weight, but you still got it boo”, “I love you Tae”, “you are doing the damn thang”. (I have my affirmations on my bathroom mirror so that I can see them every time I go in there)

• Love requires that you show up fully and completely to it, each day. I nurture myself, care for myself, and decide daily that I choose to find something to be grateful for.

• Love is about completion and not competition. I had to learn to love myself just the way I am without comparing myself to anyone but who I was and how much I have grown.

• Love is vulnerable and unfiltered. I had to become vulnerable with myself and get down to some naked truths about me, and past experiences and how they affected me, so that I could better know how to make decisions that serves me and allow me to enter into relationships and friendships that I feel safe enough to be vulnerable, as well as, to cut off any relationships and friendships that no longer serve me or give me that safe place.

Of course, I have more but for the sake of time, I only listed a few of my top ones. Now that I have established a healthy, loving relationship with myself, I can now attract those type of relationships, not just romantic, but platonic as well.

Did you enjoy this article? Do you have any questions about Creating a Healthy Loving Relationship with yourself or having challenges doing so? If so, please leave me a comment below! I’d love to hear from you or you can book a 30-minute free call with me for us to discuss further.